Truth or Consequences
Wednesday, October 10th, 2012Cycling was a refuge for me. Long, hard training rides were cathartic and provided an escape from the difficult home life associated with a parent with an addiction. My father had a long history of substance use and addiction. Seeing what happened to my father from his substance abuse, I vowed never to take drugs. I viewed cycling as a healthy and wholesome outlet that would keep me far away from a world I abhorred.
In 1996, soon after joining a local cycling club and winning a state championship, I qualified to participate in training at the U.S. Olympic Training Center. After winning the GP Des Nation under 23 category in 2000, I was invited onto a pro-level team. Ironically, the sport I had turned to for escaping drugs turned out to be rampant with doping. I chose not to focus on that. I was young, everyone was telling me I had a great future – and I knew I could do it clean. From the beginning, I always had.
After distinguishing myself in an important race, management presented me with drugs and instructed me on how to proceed. I was devastated. I was shocked. I had never used drugs and never intended to. I questioned, I resisted, but in the end, I felt cornered and succumbed to the pressure. After one week I stopped. I subsequently succumbed in less than a handful of confined instances never making it a systematic part of my training practices or race routines. But it happened and I couldn’t be sorrier. It was a violation – a violation not only of the code I was subject to, but my personal and moral compass that I had set out to follow. I accept full responsibility and was happy to come forward and tell USADA my whole story; I want to do my share to help bring this entire issue to the fore and ensure a safe, healthy, and clean future for cycling.
I returned to being 100% clean long before the Anti-Doping Commitment was issued for riders to sign in 2007. I was one of the first to sign. I embraced complete transparency. When Slipstream surfaced I was eager to join for all that it stands for and its unwavering commitment to clean cycling. I only wish a team like this had existed when I was a neo pro. Cycling started out as a refuge for me and I want to play my part in making it the sport I had always hoped it would be and know that it can be.
Stay strong DZ! You are one of the good guys.
Dave,
I respect the fact that the admissions of everyone today are out. To had fallen into a time in the sport (that you adore dearly) where in order to survive day by day one had to look to other measures to go further does not make you a “doper” in my view. After reading D. Millar’s book, he clearly paints the image of how one needed to “dope” in order to even ride at the back end of the field during those yrs. We’re all human, and we make mistakes, sometimes more costlier than other; but in the end we learn and we forgive.
Stay focused and positive during these days. We’re pulling for you Z Man.
- W
Mistakes are part of the human experience. Honesty, repentance, restitution and forgiveness elevate us to higher level. Yes it would have been better to not make the mistakes, but sometimes the most powerful lessons we learn in life come from the mistakes we make. What a good example you all set today.
Thanks for being straight with us about this. I hope being able to be honest about this difficult past is cathartic for you. Looking forward to watching you race and reading your pieces in the future. This too shall pass.
Thank you for your honesty, and for your commitment to clean cycling. We remain your loyal fans.
Meri and Aaron
This must have been really hard to write; the whole thing was probably very tough to go through. Took a shit load of balls to come clean, and even more to ride clean. You’re still a hero.
Dave you are a hero for speaking up. Your story saddened me the most. You did a brave thing at so many times and i admire you for then and now. You are def one of the good guys and i will use you as a role model for my kids about fighting pressure and standing up to do the right thing. I am a huge Tour fan and you will always have a fan in me. God bless you and hope you find peace and happiness,you deserve it. You are one of the few courageous heroes in this whole sad mess. Thanks for what you did for the sport and humanity today and for future generations riders and nonriders alike. To me you are a hero and role model and your head should be held high today,sad as it all is. With true respect and admiration, Dr.Jamine shechter, Philadelphia
You will always be a hero in my book, DZ.
i’ve followed this story with great interest as I knew there were a lot of riders who never really felt like they had a choice, practically speaking.
I’m so sorry you had to make these sorts of decisions, so early on in your life. Please know there are a lot of us out here who have nothing but compassion for what your experiences dealt you.
Please do not be disheartened. Your honesty is a bright light in a very dark time.
I am so proud of you and the other 10 riders. Thank you.
We are all guilty of doing dumb stuff when we were young.
Thanks Dave, it takes a big man to tell the truth, I appreciate the integrity that you and all the other fellas at Garmin are showing right now.
I respect you for your transparency, good attitude and personality. The past is the past, and you’re still my favourite rider.
Thanks for being straight up, DZ. You handled this with a ton of class. Too many times people are pressured into doing things against their own wills and beliefs. In one way or another I think everyone has run into this scenario. Keep doing what you do best! You’re a great example to a great number of people whether they ride or not.
+1 on Grant’s comment.
DZ y’all are stronger for coming forward and helping the sport. We are all behind you!
I appreciate your honesty and can’t begin to know what it must have felt like to be faced with this choice early in your career, especially given your family history. Thank you for your candor and for giving cycling fans new hope for the sport. Look to the future with a clean heart and mind.
major props dude, way to man up and come clean
The truth will set you free. I know it was difficult for you and the other 10, however, you have set a great example to our youth by owing up to your past mistakes.
We all make mistakes. It’s what we do after a mistake, that marks us out. You’ve shown character and honesty. It’s a lot easier to stand straight and stay that way, than it is to get back to that position after falling down. I wish you a speedy recovery from this period in your life and hope you’ll be back on your bike, competitively, as soon as possible.
Dave-
I am glad you cleared your conscience now go win a tour the way you wanted to and ought to. Stay Strong man you’ve got this.
Captain America may have a little dent in his shield, but your honesty and integrity shines!
I have always believed in you. I still believe in you and you remain one of my all time favorite riders. Like the others have said, we all make mistakes and I’m sure it was so hard and awful to be faced with those kinds of decisions as a young rider. I’m glad you’re in a good place now with lots of support and a clean team (the BEST team)! Stay strong and positive and know that your big fans are standing behind you.
Thanks for your honesty. I was a big fan and will still be!
Wow, what can you say to that! Total respect, best wishes to you as you move forward!
Dear Dave,
It is only human to make mistakes. It takes a strong person to admit to making them. I believe in you.
Stay on the strong team, lead the way to a better, safer sport, and life.
Dave, I hope the folks who introduced you to the doping world of cycling suffer far greater than yourself. They are a bigger part of the problem.
DZ,
Such respect for you and appreciation for your honesty. You’ve always been one of my favorite riders…and you still are (maybe even more so). This tough time will pass. Stay strong and ride hard, brother!
Strength, speed, freedom.
Big, virtual support, Dave! It takes a lot of guts to go against the pack mentality. You have shown yourself to be a true sportsman to both yourself and to your discipline. Well done for speaking out.
Dave,
I have always believed you were/are a clean rider, and still beleive that your were/are in you heart and soul!
I read your deposistion, and as a young man, you did the best you could under very difficult circumstances. I still respect the hell out of you, and would gladly have you as a role model for my son!
Best Regards,
Mark in OC.
Dave,
We met briefly many years ago during a ride in Victoria, BC. It was evident back then you were an honest and respectful individual. Your decision to cooperate and expose the issues surrounding professional cycling shows you have never changed.
Be proud ,
Ian
Thank you….read the report…very tragic….sickening the pressure they put on you….
I’m happy that you’ve unburdened yourself from this terrible past. It must have been awful living with this secret. You are one of the good guys and will continue to have my best wishes. The peleton needs more crazy men like you. Keep racing and best wishes to you and your adorable family!! Thank you!!
Sue in Manassas, VA
Not anything else I can say above and beyond what those comments before me say so – Yeah! What they said!
Thank you for everything you and the rest of the riders have done for all of us younger athletes. I hope you find peace through this process.
Well done. You are still our Captain America. Although, I do think your ears are a little larger now…
You are still a champ, you still do the hard work, you still get out there and kick ass, what done is done!
Here’s to new beginnings Dave. I wish you and yours only the best. (And real pain to our sham friends).
100% behind you Dave. Thanks for the honesty. One only had to watch your amazing performance in the Tour of Colorado this year to know how hard you have worked and how it can be done without drugs. Keep up the amazing work and as always I’ll be supporting you all the way.
You’ve always been one of my favorites in the peleton. Your dry wit and deadpan humor as well as the obvious performance on the bike make you a good role model. The revelations of the last week will likely only reinforce most peoples opinion. Hope you realize you and your team mates still have plenty of people that are standing behind you and respect you.
DZ,
I read the report and to me, your events were tragic. Good luck and come out without the burden,, even stronger and with a new song next year.
Read the report, etc….sad really….not anger at the young riders….I feel you were taken advantage of by some of those you trusted / looked up to for guidance the most. I hope you can find some calm in this storm. Glad you stayed racing, will continue to follow you in the future.
Nice. Still our hero. This just makes it a little more real. We all still need Captain America and you’re the best man for the role.
Dave,
Thanks for coming clean. I dont think that anyone should judge you for the decisions that you have made with your own body. I don’t think that it is possible for a recreational cyclist to ever wear a pair of sponsored shoes. You deserve a bright future because you have continued to work hard on and off the bike! As a matter of fact, your nut cream has saved my boy’s Life!
Thanks for being honest. The whole pro entire cycling fraternity needs to take the opportunity to stop the lies (said to our faces repeatedley) and own up, take the medicine and have a fresh start. Reading the documents, it makes me sad that the cheats weren’t outed at the start, rather than joining everyone being encouraged/coerced to join in.
You have already been forgiven – stand strong to yourself and keep racing as the results may be a little easier to come by now….
Thank you, David!
You are good. Love your wit! You’ve always smiled and given “the nod” when I’ve said hi to you at T of C. Life sure throws us some curve balls; it’s how we handle it that counts. And you’ve taken action to remedy and repair. Keep your eye on the prize and keep smiling!
Having had a small part in the world of professional cycling myself, I understand in a small way what that world is like. I in no way judge you for what you did with regards to doping.
You are an inspiration.
Dear Dave
Well spoken as usual. You have been and is more than ever an inspiration. We all make mistakes in life but we learn and move on. Looking forward to more Vegan Power from you.
I am really sorry that your father never found recovery. You are very brave to speak out about your experience and your story should be shared with young people everywhere. Adults do not always know best and I am glad you survived and hope that you continue to advocate for clean sport.
As a younger guy who has just found a true love of the respite that you speak of that can ONLY be found in a long ride, this post speaks volumes.
Thanks for the honesty. Thanks for the candor. Hope to see you up in Millcreek, Little Cottonwood, or Emigration Canyon someday.
Best,
Adam – SLC, UT
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It WAS abuse.
And i am amazed from what I have been reading about the culture at the time, that you stopped so soon. It shows a ton of courage.
I hope things change in cycling and that you don’t suffer ANY nasty retribution for telling your story.
I consider YOU an American hero, for speaking up, and speaking up early.
I think you represents the very best ideals of our country. Reading about someone who finds the courage to stand up to a culture where corruption and cheating and bullying are the norm makes me feel wildly patriotic (not a sentiment to which I’m all that prone).
I’m not mourning any false fallen heros. In you I have found a real one.
Thanks for telling us what happened. Disappointed, yes. Sorry to say, I was hoping out of all the riders you would be the actual on that was clean given the things I had read published about your fathers problem and your most recent vocal stance on the subject of doping. This does give me an insight as to the pressures of being involved in professional cycling during this era consisted of. I don’t blame you and will always be a fan if you continue to be clean. Good for you and also shame on you. But shame on all of us for letting this happen. We were all apart of the problem and can be apart of the solution. I still worry that there will always be something murky in the water. Especially now with such a movement there will certainly be people willing to cheat the system because with a clean peloton the differences will be huge to people who do cheat. They could go from hero to zero in no time.Just ranting now. Thanks for telling us whats up.
~Chuck