Sweet Sweat
Monday, June 11th, 2012
I’ve found that my body responds well to the dry heat of the sauna. The therapeutic results are quite extraordinary. I’m sometimes in the sauna for inordinate periods of time. My tolerance always surprises the folks who step in ambitiously but ultimately rush out before me roasted after only 10-15 minutes. They cool off and come back in for a second round irritatingly greeted by my wide smile. Some of the best lines I’ve recently heard were at the sauna I frequent. One rather round man challenged me with, “exactly what weight are you trying to lose?” I laughed. He did not. On another occasion, after I may have exaggerated my stay, I staggered from the broiling redwood lined chamber to be greeted by a stranger on a lounge chair, “you’re gonna kill yourself man and I really don’t want to be interviewed by the police. I’m not supposed to be here right now.” But my favorite line may have been the time I found myself in the sauna with 3 or 4 others when suddenly the door swung open rather dramatically and an older, confident grey-haired man bounced in like he knew us all, “You’re probably wondering why I called you all here today.” We all burst out laughing and he continued, “if in a few minutes you guys start to smell alcohol, well that’s me. And if I end up catching on fire I’d appreciate it if one of you put me out.”
Surprise Delivery
I was out on a training ride last week when a delivery truck pulled up to the house. My wife, Randi, greeted the driver with a surprised look, quite certain she had not ordered anything requiring a truck delivery. Just as she was attempting to send the driver away they had this exchange:
“Zablinsky?”
“No.”
“Zabronsky?”
“No.”
“Zabasky?”
“No.”
“Am I close?”
“Not really.”
“Can I buy a vowel?”
“You have all the vowels you need.”
“The paperwork’s just not clear ma’am.”
“I’m really not expecting a delivery.”
“Well, I’m out on a bit of limb here ma’am, but someone here named Zapruder ordered an outdoor sauna.”
I Know That Look
The sauna came as a kit and prior to the delivery I convinced myself I could put the sauna together on my own. It would be a good project for me. Maybe I’d even get the boys involved. At 2 and 4 years old that means they’d love it, right? It’s really a perfect project for the do-it-yourself dad, I explained to Randi when I returned from my ride. Her look was suddenly priceless. “It’ll be a fun project,” I explained, “and now I won’t have to go up to the spa any longer to use the sauna there.” Randi was noticeably unmoved by my logic so I headed for the shower. When I returned she reported that a contractor friend had been scheduled for the following day and made me promise that I won’t let the kids touch any tools.
We Need Power, Man
With professional help, the sauna went together without a hitch. I asked the contractor to save me a screw or two to drive in so that I could tell guests, neighbors, wife and anyone else who might be interested that I helped build it. But now that the new sauna was out in the back of the house we’d need to somehow get power over to it. Electrical work is where I draw a hard line. Experts are required. I remember a friend recommending an Irishman in the area. Real pro. Thick accent. I phoned him to survey the job and he came right over. Nice gentleman and fun for me to hear the Irish brogue in an unexpected place. Things got off to an interesting start with this exchange:
“Hey Dave what do you do for a living?”
“Race bikes.”
“Professionally?”
“Yup.”
“Ever race in Europe?”
“All the time.”
“Ever do that Tour de France?”
“Yup, more than a few times.”
“Far out. I went to school with a racer back in Ireland.”
“Really? Who’s that?”
“Sean Kelly. Ever hear of him?”
As a man with a long last name that is not really all that hard to pronounce, I feel your pain, Zarathustra.
First time reader, first time commenter. Dave – You are the man, dammit.
Reminds me of that Mitch Hedburg joke when he talks about putting carrots, potatoes and onions in a hot tub with other people. “Just simmer…I mean, sit there for a while..” That dude was classic. Although, hot tubs and saunas aren’t really close to the same…I’ll work on my comparisons.
Cover yourself with salt in the heat it feels great.
Only you David “Shaman” Z, would have your own sweat log built. Just stay way far from the Peyote.
I resemble this blog post.
I would have liked to have seen you build it DZ. Would have been much more interesting! Well Wishes this summer in all the racing D.
JH
Dave, you could easily host a show on comedy central if you ever need to supplement your day job.
Made my day!
Dave funny stuff! Great to hear that you are doing the TDF.
Good stuff from a fellow Viking sauna man. Have had one in my sun valley condo since 1972. Love it after long cycle ride or day on the slopes.
Bon chance au TDF!
Dave, as a mom who’s had to wrangle 2 and 4 year old boys, I think I had that same “priceless” look as your wife just reading this post.
I’ll be rooting for you and the rest of the Argyle Armada in the coming weeks.
Wives! You got to love them. I’m a do it yourself kind of guy but my projects usually get halted and I end up not finishing them either due to time constraints or injuries from serving in the military making things difficult. My wife found us a local handyman who manages to finish things for me. It’s great I guess; I can concentrate more on healing and playing with the dogs!
Nice job today.
Saunas are cool, but Spas Rule! Enjoy your new toy Dz!